i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
