he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
