dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
