We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
