Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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