hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
