I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
