If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hippo gnu deer
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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