I just pynch a tree in the face
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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