hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She told me I should be a condom model.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
