So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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