I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
