now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
