my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
