I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
