We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize