I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
