I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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