Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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