just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
