My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
