One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
