yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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