Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
