she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
