Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
