she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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