Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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