i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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