I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
