Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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