you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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