i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
