Non-Jews are for practice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
