My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
