I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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