mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
