it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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