Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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