summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
