So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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