Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize