So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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