3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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