We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
