omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
