My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
