Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
