He kissed a someone with a penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize