I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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