Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
