hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
