Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
