GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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