Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize