Got a toothbrush?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
