Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
