You're so nebulous sometimes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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