She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
