bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This baby is an asshole
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
