Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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