just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How does one acquire holy water?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
