she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize