Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize