the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
as a side note pls kill me
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