Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had sex on a roof
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize