I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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