idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had sex on a roof
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
