It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize