Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
