ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
