yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize