So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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