I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
