I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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