I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
