i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize