thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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