Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
