You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
