i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
