I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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