don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
