well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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