I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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