I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
