Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
