we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I checked into jail on foursquare
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't notice because vodka
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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