Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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