did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
