i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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