I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
