he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
