Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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