My underwear smells like fireworks.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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